To be honest to yourself is the key to consciousness. Start admitting what’s happening within you. But don’t stop when you have an answer because there is always more behind it. This is the key. As long as you have a conclusion that you can put into words, there is a deeper level you can go and look. Subconscious mechanisms, inherited information, karma, past lives etc. only apply in the human realm of life. As long as you limit yourself by believing that your body contains you, you will only find answers in these topics and they won’t answer your biggest questions, nor solve your problems.
But you are way beyond those limits so go deeper and look further. And if meditation helps you to do that, utilize it. But be sure that being aware of yourself for a few minutes or a few hours a day isn’t enough if you want to wake up. Start like that. But if you’ve realized already that nothing that passes in this world will satisfy you, bring your focus to the unknown, to the beauty and mystery of your real self as much and as often as you can. Your mind’s habits might kick in over and over again but you don’t depend on your mind. In fact, you will realize that the mind is just a small part of your existence and isn’t more real than any of your thoughts. You are Infinity itself. Nothing can limit you.